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View Profile JGZILLA98
Road Mauler.

19, Male

Unknown

Joined on 7/24/12

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I feel its time for a fresh start but first I need to explain myself.

When I first joined this site a lot happened in that time span, I was also very young when I first got here. I know made a lot of people angry and disgusted with my childish behavior such as lies, fights, mindless banter and faking mental illness... Well almost I do suffer from a known condition by the name of "Asperger syndrome" a condition on the autism spectrum, with generally higher functioning.

 

People with this condition may be socially awkward and have an all-absorbing interest in specific topics (mine being vintage muscle cars and things involving them which mostly is film based). In simple terms I am functional in some areas but struggle a lot in others, part of the reason I would flip shit every week when I was 14 and years to come.

 

Due to unfortunate circumstances I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was 16 and it hasn't gotten better... when I turned 18 things got heated real fast between my and my loved ones who did nothing but try their hardest to help me. Most of them have left me now to move on in their lives and I don't hate them for it because they have the right to be free and happy. I have regained trust from most of them but not all of them... 

 

I also realized I have a hoarding problem (mostly just childhood toys, drawings and photos) I Kept them to remind me that I can be happy again like I was when I was a...

child... (T_T)

I was so careless and reckless and would give anything to go back and do it right. I would often do things on impulse without thinking of the disasters and repercussions that will come my way. 

 

I also have been struggling to maintain solid income ever since I graduated high school a few months ago and keeping a job is hard for me given my condition and I am employed again as I write this but unsure for how long.

 

I have also taken on hobbies and activities to keep myself from getting depressed and I am for once happy in my life... But I know I can make it better.

 

I took some time to study film and editing, I made a short film that I may or may not finish but had fun making it. It's nothing special and to be honest very low grade but it really does not matter to me as I had too much fun making it and felt good that someone was proud of me when they saw it. 

 

I will post it soon if possible.

 

I think the saddest part of all this was how much I let go... including my mental and worst of all my physical health. I gained a little over 100 pounds (current weight: 267) the last time I posted on here and now I am struggling to keep my self active and alert along with getting proper if any sleep at all.

The nightmares and memories of my younger self still haunt me to this day... Nothing but bitter hatred towards the world and those around me.

 

Evil...

 

I plan to come back here now and then to see what has changed but if you guys are not interested in my projects, struggles or me in general I won't have an issue, it's your right to do as you please. If you guys are willing to support me, at least acknowledge I am here breathing and watching out for a state of peace then that is all I could ask for from you kind souls.

Please be respectful if possible but I won't force you either.

 

 

 

As of now I am nothing more than a pheonix... Rising from the ashes... To be reborn... Eyes finally opened

 

Thank you.

 

3:04 AM 9/25/2018


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